Resolutions vs. Intentions: A Therapist's Perspective on Starting the New Year Without Shame

As the new year approaches, many people feel an unspoken pressure to “start fresh” by setting resolutions. These often sound familiar: Lose weight, work harder, be more productive, exercise more, be less stressed. While these goals may be well-intentioned, as a therapist I often see how resolutions can quietly set people up for disappointment, self-criticism, and shame.

There is an alternative approach that tends to be far more compassionate—and far more sustainable: intentions.

Why Resolutions So Often Fail
Resolutions are typically outcome-focused and rigid. They’re often framed around what we believe is “wrong” with us and what needs fixing. Many resolutions also rely on future motivation or ideal circumstances: Once I have more time… once I feel better… once life slows down…

The problem is that life rarely cooperates.

When resolutions aren’t met (which is incredibly common), people don’t usually say, “That goal didn’t fit my life.” Instead, they say, “I failed.” This internal narrative reinforces shame, guilt, and all-or-nothing thinking:

• “I already messed up, so what’s the point?”
  
• “I never stick to anything.”
  
• “I must not have enough willpower.”
  
  From a psychological standpoint, shame is not a helpful motivator for change. In fact, shame often leads to avoidance, disengagement, and giving up altogether.

What Intentions Do Differently
Intentions shift the focus from achievement to awareness. Instead of asking, “What should I accomplish this year?” intentions ask, “How do I want to relate to myself, my values, and my life?”

Intentions are:

• Flexible, not rigid
  
• Values-based, not appearance- or productivity-based
  
• Process-oriented, not outcome-dependent
  
  An intention is something you can return to at any moment—whether it’s January 1st or July 17th. There is no “falling off the wagon,” because there is no wagon to fall from.

Examples of intentions might include:

• I intend to listen to my body with curiosity rather than judgment.
  
• I intend to respond instead of react when I’m stressed.
  
• I intend to prioritize rest without earning it.
  
• I intend to treat myself with the same compassion I offer others.
  
  These are not pass/fail goals. They are ways of being.

Why Intentions Are More Sustainable
From a therapeutic lens, intentions work because they support behavioral consistency without relying on perfection. You don’t need ideal motivation or flawless execution to live in alignment with an intention—you just need awareness.

When you act in line with an intention, even briefly, it counts. And when you don’t, you haven’t failed—you’ve simply noticed something about yourself. That noticing itself is part of the work.

Intentions also reduce the emotional load tied to change. They are not fueled by fear, shame, or self-criticism, but by self-respect and curiosity. And change that grows from compassion is far more likely to last.

Moving Into the New Year Differently
If resolutions have historically left you feeling discouraged or inadequate, it may not be because you lack discipline. It may be because the framework itself doesn’t support how humans actually change.

As a therapist, I often remind clients that growth is not about becoming a “better” version of yourself—it’s about becoming a more aligned one.

This year, instead of asking yourself what you need to fix, consider asking:

• What do I want to be more mindful of?
  
• What values do I want to practice, even on hard days?
  
• How do I want to show up for myself when life is messy?
  
  Intentions don’t demand perfection. They invite presence. And presence—again and again—is where real, lasting change begins.